4 Steps to Better Relationships Through The Enneagram

One of the most powerful ways to use the Enneagram is for deepening your relationships with others. I believe that understanding others on a deeper level can help you to work, live, or love them better. The Enneagram will give you insight into what makes someone tick, and often gives perspective which can propel your relationship beyond most interpersonal issues. This information is held in such high esteem, it is currently being used by therapists, life coaches, and in business to create more dynamic and efficient teams. This is not your average typeing system or hocus pocus.

All of my relationships have changed since I began studying the Enneagram. Most have gotten much better, some of just changed, and some I've decided to end because they weren't serving the purpose they were meant to. Based on the experience I had with understanding others through the Enneagram, I'm going to show you the four steps you can use to understand friends, family, and colleagues better.

4 Steps to Better Relationships Through the Enneagram:

1. Determine your own type and the type of the person whom you wish to understand better.

It is my hope that you know your type already and at least have some understanding of the Enneagram. If not, I would suggest looking at an overview of the Enneagram and the nine types. You should get yourself acquainted with the nine types and your own type before you attempt to understand someone else better. As with most types of personal development… an ounce of self-understanding is a pound of understanding others.

If you are truly stumped with finding your own type, I would suggest trying a free Enneagram type test. These are not 100% perfect, but they can usually peg someone to one or two types and you can take it from there.

2. Look at the fears and desires & key motivations of the type you are hoping to understand more.

On Wikipedia, you can take a close look at the fears and desires of the type you are looking to understand more. For instance, if that person happened to be an Enneagram Type 7, their fears and desires would look like this:

"Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain

Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain."

Taking a close look at this will give you some insight into a problem you might be having or a way to avoid future problems. Enneagram Type 7's are infamous for being afraid they are going to be left out of the fun or stuck in a boring place without a way out. That may seem a little dramatic, of course, but it's true. So, if you are an office manager, it would be unlikely that your office's Enneagram Type 7 would be the best person to man the phones all day. The seven would be more suited to be out on sales calls or mowing the lawn. Think excitement, short attention span, not really an anchor. (Dear 7's, don't take this personally, I'm a 7 too…)

3. Look at your type compatibility.

The Enneagram Institute offers a great type compatibility chart. Google "Enneagram Institute Type Compatibility Chart" and head on over. You can select your own type and the type you are looking to understand better. To continue with our example from above: Let's assume that the office manager is a type 3 and the worker is still a type 7, here is a part of the compatibility report:

"This is a highly complementary pair: both types are self-assertive, have high energy, and are outgoing and capable of being around people with relative ease. Both types bring optimism, a future orientation, the sense of possibility and renewal to their relationships and to enterprises they become involved with. Threes can work alone more easily than Sevens, although both are stimulated by interacting with people and both can be excellent communicators of their ideas and values. Both are persuasive and articulate, often lively and attractive, making them sought after company. Both have a youthful orientation such that they feed off of each other's energy: no other couple is as vivacious or gregarious as the Three/Seven couple. This is probably the highest energy combination of types and they wholeheartedly engage in lots of activities, plans and projects, with the emphasis on attaining the good life. The focus is on sociability, going out, having adventures together and on realizing possibilities and on finding personal fulfillment. "

4. Use this for good only, not evil.

Once you get a grasp on all of this, you have a lot of inside information into people's motivations. You also get a lot of perspective on how you work with others. It's a lot of responsibility. Don't go abusing your power and manipulating situations. Be good, and the study of the Enneagram can bring a lot of clarity and peace to your relationships.

4 Steps to Better Relationships Through the Enneagram

One of the most powerful ways to use the Enneagram is for deepening your relationships with others. I believe that understanding others on a deeper level can help you to work, live, or love them better. The Enneagram will give you insight into what makes someone tick, and often gives perspective which can propel your relationship beyond most interpersonal issues. This information is held in such high esteem, it is currently being used by therapists, life coaches, and in business to create more dynamic and efficient teams. This is not your average typeing system or hocus pocus.

All of my relationships have changed since I began studying the Enneagram. Most have gotten much better, some of just changed, and some I've decided to end because they weren't serving the purpose they were meant to. Based on the experience I had with understanding others through the Enneagram, I'm going to show you the four steps you can use to understand friends, family, and colleagues better.